Out of the Shade
by PrehistoricCat
Summary: Was it love? Abby wasn't sure


**A/N - written for the Spring 2010 Primevalathon on LiveJournal. Prompt#1: Connor and Abby (anytime after the infamous "I love you" incident) watch Doctor Who and discuss the relationship between the Doctor and Rose with lots of awkward undertones of their own relationship . Prompt#2: "Come out of the Shade" by The Perishers. Thanks to deinonychus_1 for the beta read.**

**Disclaimer: Primeval belongs to Impossible pictures no copyright intended**

* * *

Abby was sat up in Connor's room, looking down into the rest of the flat. Her head was resting on one of the beams that supported the roof, her feet threaded through so that they dangled out and hung loose. Jack had moved out three days ago but she had not yet plucked up the courage to ask Connor to move back in and the flat seemed huge without either of them there.

Rex circled her head and landed next to her, his head cocked to one side.

"What's up Rex?" she said. She gently stroked his head and he chirruped happily before flying off again. She watched him, swooping gracefully in and out of the roof beams and the hanging lights. _Rex is missing Connor_, she thought. He had now come to rest on the armchair at the far end of the room, the one where Connor sat to play computer games.

If she was truly honest with herself, she was missing Connor too. That was why she was up here, this was his space even though Jack had invaded it for a few weeks. She could see why he'd always insisted on the room upstairs when they moved flats, you got a different perspective from up here, and it made thinking easier.

Thinking was something she'd done a lot of recently. Her head was full of conflicting emotions since they had rescued Jack from the future. Jack had told her everything that Connor had done to conceal the truth, and Abby felt guilty. She'd given Connor a really bad time, yet he was still protecting her. She had felt an overwhelming 'something' for Connor that evening, so overwhelming she had actually broken her own rule and kissed him. But that was when it got complicated, and she cursed herself for allowing herself to cross the fine line that had always existed between them. She feared she had changed things and it could never be the same again. Her mind was a mess; after all this time, she still couldn't work out how she really felt about Connor.

It had all been so easy at first. They had fun, he made her laugh and she had felt completely at ease with him. It had never crossed her mind that there was anything else between them other than good friends, work colleagues and flat mates … until Caroline came on the scene. She hated Caroline with a passion from the off, although she never really knew why. She had convinced herself it was purely because she knew Caroline wasn't genuine and she was just looking out for Connor, not wanting him to get hurt – that was it wasn't it? Concern for a friend?

Then Connor had said three words and everything changed. "I love you." His voice still echoed around her head now. No-one had ever said that to her before and really meant it. Yes, Scott Davies had said it to her, aged 15, but it was only to get her to have sex with him. She soon learnt that boys, men, said it quite a lot to get her to do things. She didn't really know what "love" meant any more, or how it actually felt. It could smack her straight in the face and she wouldn't recognize it ….

She had shut most people out after being hurt too many times by false love. The only chink in her armour had been Stephen, and that had turned out badly as well. He was just like the other men she had allowed into her heart, and just reaffirmed that she was right to keep a barrier up and not let anyone in. But Connor was slowly infiltrating her defences, getting under her skin, and something was nagging away at her about him. Was it love?

Her thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing. She ran downstairs to answer it.

"Abby Maitland…"

"Hi Abs!"

"Connor! How are you?" Just the sound of his voice made her heart skip a beat. Why was that?

"I'm good thanks. I was just in the supermarket and a huge tub of Rocky Road fell into my trolley. I don't suppose you know anyone who would like to share it with me?" She could almost hear the grin on his face, if that was possible.

"Well...I could be tempted. How big a tub?"

"The biggest."

"OK, you've twisted my arm … oh hang on, there's someone at the door." She put the receiver down and opened the front door. It was Connor, mobile held to his ear and grinning from ear to ear. In his other hand, he held up a carrier bag containing the tub of ice-cream. Abby couldn't help but smile. "Guess you'd better come in then," she said, stepping to one side and allowing him inside.

Within just a few seconds, it was like Connor had never moved out. His jacket was slung onto the sofa and he was in the kitchen area. Abby heard drawers and cupboards being banged, and then he emerged, opened tub of ice cream with two spoons stuck into it in one hand, and two bottles of beer in the other. It was so easy to just slip straight back into the old routine, side by side on the sofa, sharing a tub of ice cream.

"So, what have you done this time?" Abby said. Connor looked at her questioningly. "You only ever buy the expensive stuff when you've done something wrong. Either that or you're after something."

"I'm hurt, Abby!" he said. "Can I not treat my very dear friend to her favourite dessert without having an ulterior motive?" Abby just glared at him. She knew him too well. "OK, you got me. Lester's got guests over this evening and I suppose I cramp his style a bit."

"And you need somewhere to crash for the night?"

"Well actually I was just going to ask if I could hang out for a few hours, but if you're offering to put me up for the night..."

"Whatever Connor." she smiled. This was exactly what she missed about having Connor around, he was so predictable. It made her feel secure somehow.

Connor kicked off his boots and reached for the remote, flicking through several channels before settling on some quiz show. Abby leaned back and continued eating the ice cream, savouring every mouthful. It was normal, it was them, and Abby actually quite liked it. There weren't many things in her life these days that she could call normal.

She was half watching him out of the corner of her eye, trying to read him. It was the first time they'd spent any time together since she'd kissed him. He hadn't said anything about it, almost like it had never happened. Was that what he wanted? She was vaguely aware that the quiz show was finishing, and then she heard the announcer say something and everything clicked into place

"Connor! Lester hasn't got friends around at all has he? He's just banned you from watching Dr Who hasn't he?"

Connor looked sheepish and blushed. "It's a double episode tonight, I can't miss it!"

Abby rolled her eyes. "And you thought you'd bribe me with Rocky Road and beers and worm your way back onto my sofa, just so you could watch Dr Who!"

"Worked didn't it? I'm here." Connor had a very smug grin on his face.

Abby got up to go and find a bottle opener, shaking her head. "I suppose I can live with it, but you owe me one."

Connor shuffled around on the sofa, making himself comfy and settling down for the double episode.

Abby sighed. They were barely halfway through the first episode and she was already bored. In her opinion, the whole Rose and the Doctor thing was pathetic.

"You OK, Abby?" Connor said

"This whole thing is just …. Well it's not like real life is it?"

"That's the whole point of Sci-Fi Abby, it's not meant to be."

"I don't mean that part of it. The aliens I can believe, the time travel I can believe… But a man and a woman so blatantly in love with each other and not acting on it?"

"I think it's a bit more complicated than that, Abby."

Abby sat forward, looking straight at Connor. "OK, so enlighten me."

"Well, Rose … she's … well, I can really empathise with her."

"Nice to know you're in touch with your feminine side, Connor," she smiled.

"Funny," he pouted. "She was this ordinary girl, going about a humdrum life and settling for ordinary, not expecting anything from anyone … and then she met the Doctor. She's so drawn to him because he takes her away from her ordinary life, shows her things, makes things exciting … makes her feel special." Connor was blushing.

"So, why doesn't she tell him that?"

"Maybe she's tried? Maybe she's scared he doesn't feel the same way, and that it'll ruin everything if she tells him? Maybe she's content to be around him and just feel special and not risk losing all that?"

Abby blinked at Connor. _Wow! Where did that come from? _It was the most Connor had ever said about feelings. "What about the Doctor then? He fancies her, maybe he even suspects she fancies him … why doesn't he do something about it?"

"Why don't you think about it? Why do you think he doesn't tell her how he really feels?"

"I guess he's been hurt," she said. "He's fallen in love before, or at least thought he had, and then been let down, or he's lost her. He's taken one too many emotional beatings and has put up a wall to protect himself."

Connor was nodding, not just in agreement, but in recognition of a situation he was painfully familiar with.

"Those two will never get together unless one of them overcomes the fear of rejection and tells the other how they really feel." He swallowed hard and turned his attention back to the TV. This discussion was making him slightly uncomfortable, and he needed to change the direction it was going.

Abby was also feeling uncomfortable. This wasn't really about some TV show and two fictional characters. Connor had said he empathised with Rose, and she had a feeling she knew why. His last statement hit hard. Was she ready to let down the barrier and tell Connor … what exactly? … that she thought she might be in love with him? She took a long, deep swallow from her bottle of beer, and tried to focus back on the TV.

The credits were rolling. The pair of them sat in silence. Rose had said it, The Doctor was going to say it, but they had left it too late, and now they were destined to be apart forever in completely separate worlds. Abby glanced at Connor, he was chewing his bottom lip. She blinked away tears from her eyes, why was she crying? She didn't like Dr Who! She had to pull herself together.

"Another beer, Connor?"

"Thanks," he muttered. She disappeared into the kitchen and brought out two more bottles. He silently took one from her and took a mouthful. "Abby?"

"Connor?" she sat down on the sofa again, a little closer than she had before. Her leg almost touched his, his fingertips just brushing against her knee as he rested his hand on his leg.

"Do you understand why the Doctor never really told Rose how he felt?"

Abby shifted uneasily. "Sort of. Keeping Rose at a distance meant he didn't have to risk getting his heart … hearts … broken. He fights all sorts of scary aliens and saves whole planets, but the scariest thing he has ever faced is falling in love."

"And what scares you?" Connor was staring at her with a serious expression on his face. "Tough old Abby Maitland, who can drop kick a Mer creature from the future, wrestle with prehistoric man-eating worms and hold her own in a fight with a soldier twice her size … what scares you?"

"I'm scared … I'm scared of the way I feel about you." She couldn't quite believe she'd said that out loud and her throat felt tight.

Connor thought his heart was going to burst out of his chest, it was beating so hard. His hand was searching for hers, their fingertips lightly touching. "You kissed me," he whispered.

"Yes."

"Do you regret doing it?"

"No."

"Then tell me what to do next, because I'm scared too." He was squeezing her hand tightly now, but unable to look her in the eyes.

The silence was deafening. After a few moments, Connor broke his hold and he went to the bathroom. He didn't want Abby to see him crying.

Abby sat on the sofa, her head buried in her hands. Her mouth felt dry, her stomach in knots. She had two choices. She either just left things as they were without actually resolving anything like she always did, or she grasped the nettle with both hands and told Connor how she felt. Either way, there was no going back to the way things had been, this was the end of their friendship.

She heard the tap in the bathroom being run. Connor was probably washing his face, trying to compose himself. She hated that she had hurt him. Taking a final mouthful from her beer, she stood up and went over to the bathroom. Pausing by the closed door, she took a deep breath, and then went in. He was leaning against the sink with both hands, his head down, and his eyes red.

"Conn … I'm sorry." She placed her hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to behave around you, just tell me what you want from me," he said.

"I've been hurt, a lot, and I put up barriers to stop it happening again. But you … somehow you've pushed them aside and I … I think I … I think I've fallen in love with you." Her heart was pounding hard in her chest. She had just made herself more vulnerable than she'd ever known, and it was scaring her.

He turned to face her. "I love you too you know."

"I think I knew that, I've always known. But accepting it meant I had to admit my own feelings. And I wasn't ready for that …until now."

Connor took a step closer to her and placed his hand on her cheek. He wiped a stray tear with his thumb and held her gaze. He leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips, lingering for a moment before pulling away. Her eyes were closed, waiting for more.

"Don't stop Connor," she whispered, opening one eye.

Wrapping his arms around her, his lips met hers again. This time, she kissed him back, getting lost in the warmth of his embrace and feeling like nothing else existed except Connor.

Was it love? It certainly felt like it could be.


End file.
